Recently, I wrote a blog post on 10 keys to kids’ emotional health. As I was writing, I realized that each of those keys apply to everyone! We all give and receive nurture, no matter who we consider our family. So, here’s my parallel post. it only takes a spark.. Let’s ALL spark resilience and flourishing.
1. GRACE, GRACE, GRACE!
This pandemic was an unexpected part of our life’s path. How’s that for an understatement? There is no reference point in our lifetimes for this kind of global crisis. We are discovering as we go, and that will continue for the foreseeable future. Grace, not judgment or shame, places us in a posture to stay curious about God, the world, and ourselves. God’s grace is abundant for you. How have you been at living in grace?
2. DEVELOP EMOTIONAL AWARENESS AND LITERACY
The awareness and healthy processing of emotions (Emotional Intelligence) is a learned skill necessary to navigating change and stress. Developing EQ is necessary for life and work. Many adults that I talk to didn’t see a healthy model of emotions in their family of origin. Without intention, we are likely to recreate those patterns in our adult lives and relationships. The great news is, we have the capacity to grow through our lifespan. We can start simply with practicing awareness and growing our emotional vocabulary. When we are able to notice and name emotions, thoughts, and needs, we are on our way to getting the needed care. Here’s a list of emotions and needs- a place to start.
Dan Allender’s The Cry of the Soul is a great book for a biblical view of emotions.
3. FIND HEALTHY OTHERS
4 and 5. YOU NEED STRUCTURE and YOU NEED FLEXIBILITY
By now you’ve heard all kinds of advice, opinions, and ideas about how to lead your quarantine life, and it will continue as we re-enter life and find our “new normal”. But a good choice for one person may not be the best for you right now. You are the only one navigating your particular story in this greater pandemic narrative. Somewhere between rigidity and chaos is where we all should be. There’s a ton of space there. When we only follow “shoulds” that come from outside, we turn down the volume of God’s leading in our own hearts.
I think a hidden gift of this time is the disruption of our normal and the opportunity to reflect. We can live more wholeheartedly, aware of what we want and need, and what the Lord is speaking to our hearts. Are you listening to Him to determine your steps? Are your choices for structure or flexibility helping set the stage for freedom and faithfulness right now?
6. WHEN LIFE FEELS OUT OF CONTROL, FOCUS ON THIS MOMENT
There is always more out of control than we realize, but right now our felt sense of that has increased exponentially, leaving us feeling vulnerable and anxious at times. In times of uncertainty, it helps us to ask two questions. What is true now? What can I do now? We only have help and grace from God that is available at the present moment for our next right step.
7. PURSUE QUALITY CONNECTIONS
In some ways, we are more connected than ever. I’ve never seen so many screenshots of team, family, and group zoom meetings. However, I’m afraid we are getting more quantity than necessarily quality. During times of disorientation, we need true presence and connection. Since most communication is non-verbal, it’s harder to send those cues of empathy, acceptance, understanding, and resonance over a screen. And if our online meetings are mostly transactional, it will leave us depleated and empty. We need to be vigilant about ratio of quantity to quality connections. What relationships or interactions have helped you feel heard and known? Where have you been vulnerable and accepted?
8. ADULTS NEED PLAY TOO!
Kids are naturals at play, but adults need play too. Play is that thing we do that is intensely pleasurable for us. We lose track of time, lose self-consciousness, and we don’t want to stop. Play has the capacity to energizes us, reduce stress, renew optimism and open up new possibilities. Maybe it’s creating, engaging in an activity, or exploring something.
It’s likely that this pandemic time is challenging many of our outlets for play. That’s important to note to understand why you may be a bit low. Take this time to explore how your play history and how you play now. Maybe you’ll discover that you don’t have enough play in your life. Maybe you’ll realize that playfulness would help your team be creative and get unstuck.
Here’s a great book on the benefits of Play in our adult lives by Stuart Brown.
9. PREPARE TO REPAIR
We are all likely learning about our own stress responses as well as our friends’, roommates, spouses, family! In the course of this time, mis-steps and relational ruptures are bound to happen. We need large doses of compassion for one another and courage to move towards forgiveness and repair. This is easier said than done, and it’s a process. What hurts have surfaced during this time? What would reconciliation look like?
10. LASTLY, EVERYONE NEEDS FAMILY
Family is God’s idea and everyone needs family. We are called to look outside of ourselves and connect meaningfully with others, whether we are related biologically or not, we are the family of God. Some of the richest relational experiences are ones where we cross generations and life stages. Singles, marrieds, families, empty nesters… how are those God has placed on your team or in your sphere are a gift to you? Are you over-looking those who are not in your life stage or don’t look like you? You may be missing out on some really sweet gifts from the Lord. We need each other. Let’s stick together!
Now that you’ve read these, take them and spark some good conversations by sharing them with someone you trust or are growing closer to, or even your team. Which of these is most challenging? Which is most meaningful to you now? Where would you like to grow?